cynical but hopeful
i know kerria, i know. i know that i'm jaded and cynical. i know that i'm fortunate. i know that everything i have is a ridiculous luxury unknown to most of the world's population. i know that i shouldn't complain because it's my choice to be here and for those kids it's not their choice. and yes, i could just as easily be that person. but they could just as easily be me as well. no one has any control over the circumstances that they're born into. and yes, it's probably wrong for me to have criticised that tourist so harshly. i'm sure that he was doing what he felt was the best thing to do. i try to have faith that we're all working under that principle. i know that my anger was misdirected but sometimes i get so damn sick of my own futility and the greyness of morality that i just want someone to blame.
child beggars, well... what can i say. maybe it's been too many times that i've offered them food and they refused it, demanding money intead. same for those beggar women carrying around emaciated babies. yesterday the same kid came up to me trying to sell his drawings. his asking price was 300 rupees. not 5 minutes later a girl, probably 4 years old, came up to me demanding 50 rupees. she followed me down the street grabbing my bag and arm SCREAMING for 50 rupees like i owed it to her. maybe i do? and yet, that's more than a sweeper gets for their daily wage. what kid will want to start working if they learn that they can make more begging off a tourist in 10 minutes than daddy can make in a full day of work? you know as well as i that some people purposefully cripple their children because they'll make more money begging than working. what to do?
i lost my wallet a few days ago with almost 1000 rupees inside and i couldn't get too upset because i knew that it would probably make a bigger difference to whoever found it than it did to me. and yes, i give to beggars as well, but that's only because i have no idea what else to do. i have no idea what to do. when you see the shape of the world, you desperately want to do something, ANYTHING, to help. it's compassion and it's guilt and it's something you feel in your gut but can't explain.
but that's my view as an outsider from this society and i'm not sure how relevent my opinion is on the matter. look at what i wrote earlier: "no one has any control over the circumstances that they're born into". nice thought from the canadian girl, but over here i don't think that it would fly. i can't speak so much for nepal as i've only been here a short time, but indian society, despite it's many modernisations, is really not designed in a way for people to help themselves as the western world believes you should be able to. that's the caste system for hindus, that's the cycle of rebirth for buddhists. people like to pretend that it's gone, and maybe by official documents it is, but in the streets you see it every day. everyone is exactly where they are supposed to be and get exactly what they deserve. even if i was able to, would it be any of my business to try to change that? i don't like it, but this isn't my society. yes, i believe that we should try to respect all humans (and the rest of the world as well, possibly even moreso than human beings) and i'll act according to that belief. i'll do what i can for individuals while i'm here, but i can't pretend that it's anything more than that.
does respect mean tossing some change on a blanket? maybe. maybe it depends on the spirit of the gesture. i don't know. and lack of respect goes both ways. i hate being treated like a walking atm. that little girl was not dealing with me like a human being, but as a wallet she expected to be open for her. i obviously can't blame her for that because how can she learn anything different? that's the way that tourists are seen. of course, the worst aspect of that is that those who exploit this the most are people who are fairly well off, such as shop owners. or a brahmin who gives you a "tour" of the temple, where you make a 500 rupee donation for the temple's kitchen and then he gets pissed off when you only give him a 10 rupee "tip" at the end of it all. or how about when i'm on a train in a compartment with wealthy indians flashing their mobiles, lap tops and gold jewellery and then the beggar who comes past won't stop grabbing ME and crying at ME. and usually it's because i have no change left because i've been giving to the other beggars who have already come by. i really don't like perpetuating the idea that the western tourist can just come here throwing around their money and solve all the problems that are faced here. i don't want to give up on the idea of cultural exchange, but sadly the only exchange many people are interested in is the exchange of rupees.
as for sneaking into stupas... well, they're actually not under nepali control. most of them have been managed by foreign companies for about 20 years. at least the money helps for preservation of the sights but i doubt that much goes to helping the infrastructure of the city. judging by the 750 rupees that each tourist pays at the taj mahal you'd expect agra to be a gleaming centre of well-being. haven't been there, but i've heard that that's not quite the case... as you said about the beggars, who knows where that money goes? you hope it goes for some good cause.
you hope and you hope and you hope because you have to in order to keep living in this world.
child beggars, well... what can i say. maybe it's been too many times that i've offered them food and they refused it, demanding money intead. same for those beggar women carrying around emaciated babies. yesterday the same kid came up to me trying to sell his drawings. his asking price was 300 rupees. not 5 minutes later a girl, probably 4 years old, came up to me demanding 50 rupees. she followed me down the street grabbing my bag and arm SCREAMING for 50 rupees like i owed it to her. maybe i do? and yet, that's more than a sweeper gets for their daily wage. what kid will want to start working if they learn that they can make more begging off a tourist in 10 minutes than daddy can make in a full day of work? you know as well as i that some people purposefully cripple their children because they'll make more money begging than working. what to do?
i lost my wallet a few days ago with almost 1000 rupees inside and i couldn't get too upset because i knew that it would probably make a bigger difference to whoever found it than it did to me. and yes, i give to beggars as well, but that's only because i have no idea what else to do. i have no idea what to do. when you see the shape of the world, you desperately want to do something, ANYTHING, to help. it's compassion and it's guilt and it's something you feel in your gut but can't explain.
but that's my view as an outsider from this society and i'm not sure how relevent my opinion is on the matter. look at what i wrote earlier: "no one has any control over the circumstances that they're born into". nice thought from the canadian girl, but over here i don't think that it would fly. i can't speak so much for nepal as i've only been here a short time, but indian society, despite it's many modernisations, is really not designed in a way for people to help themselves as the western world believes you should be able to. that's the caste system for hindus, that's the cycle of rebirth for buddhists. people like to pretend that it's gone, and maybe by official documents it is, but in the streets you see it every day. everyone is exactly where they are supposed to be and get exactly what they deserve. even if i was able to, would it be any of my business to try to change that? i don't like it, but this isn't my society. yes, i believe that we should try to respect all humans (and the rest of the world as well, possibly even moreso than human beings) and i'll act according to that belief. i'll do what i can for individuals while i'm here, but i can't pretend that it's anything more than that.
does respect mean tossing some change on a blanket? maybe. maybe it depends on the spirit of the gesture. i don't know. and lack of respect goes both ways. i hate being treated like a walking atm. that little girl was not dealing with me like a human being, but as a wallet she expected to be open for her. i obviously can't blame her for that because how can she learn anything different? that's the way that tourists are seen. of course, the worst aspect of that is that those who exploit this the most are people who are fairly well off, such as shop owners. or a brahmin who gives you a "tour" of the temple, where you make a 500 rupee donation for the temple's kitchen and then he gets pissed off when you only give him a 10 rupee "tip" at the end of it all. or how about when i'm on a train in a compartment with wealthy indians flashing their mobiles, lap tops and gold jewellery and then the beggar who comes past won't stop grabbing ME and crying at ME. and usually it's because i have no change left because i've been giving to the other beggars who have already come by. i really don't like perpetuating the idea that the western tourist can just come here throwing around their money and solve all the problems that are faced here. i don't want to give up on the idea of cultural exchange, but sadly the only exchange many people are interested in is the exchange of rupees.
as for sneaking into stupas... well, they're actually not under nepali control. most of them have been managed by foreign companies for about 20 years. at least the money helps for preservation of the sights but i doubt that much goes to helping the infrastructure of the city. judging by the 750 rupees that each tourist pays at the taj mahal you'd expect agra to be a gleaming centre of well-being. haven't been there, but i've heard that that's not quite the case... as you said about the beggars, who knows where that money goes? you hope it goes for some good cause.
you hope and you hope and you hope because you have to in order to keep living in this world.
posted by natalie at 4:28 AM
1 Comments:
...and you hope some more.
sigh, its so difficult. and there are no answers to be found, no matter how hard you look. and i guess you just have to have faith that people will create their own happiness, their own joy in life without our help. our patronising, well-intended, misguided and maybe detrimental help.
god help us. and how quickly we forget what it is to be surrounded by poverty... how quickly ive jumped back into my bubble, into my own self-absorbed world. and yet how else can we live...
hope and hope and hope, i guess. no such thing as doing the right thing. we just act, and then we wait. and hope some more.
love ya.
Post a Comment
<< Home