soham soham soham sivoham

the process of re-entering the world has been interesting. going from a life of relative purity and great regularity to wandering the filthy streets of varanasi has been a bit difficult. the body is not responding overly well to the process of re-toxification. especially thanks to the very poor air quality and one crappy thali. damn you crappy thali! but i'm taking it all in stride.

yesterday i got to go into the viswanath jyotir lingam mandir and it was a very powerful experience. i'd never gone before, because i thought it was off -limits for foreigners. apparently just have to go through the right gate and register with your passport... so that was quite amazing. lucky for me to have gael here, who knows varanasi very well. this is how you learn the good things.

so yes, things are going very nicely, but i can't believe i only have 10 days or so left. what the hell am i going to do when i get back to canada?

so it goes, so it goes, so it goes.

soham soham soham sivoham

on the other side of the wall

kashi-->munger-->rikhia-->munger-->rikhia-->munger-->rikhia-->munger-->rikhia--> kashi!

5 months in the ashrams. ganga darshan and rikhia peeth in jharkhand.

it's so hard to know what to write. perhaps i'll write more about what actually happened in a few days when i'm settled more. all i can say for now is that i'm happier than i can remember being for a very long time. i feel light, like a little child. i am so grateful for everything that i have experienced: the good, the bad and the inexplicably weird and unpredictable as well. i feel like i'm coming home with a trunk full of jewels that i need to protect fiercely. i have the sensation that i didn't FIND something (we always want to FIND something- happiness, peace, ourselves) but rather that i have been given the tools for searching. and glimpses of things to inspire the search.

so i'll try to come up with more on the ashram soon.

for now i'm relaxing in beloved varanasi and will be meeting my old friend gael here in a few days!