re-visiting

delhi--> shimla--> vashisht--> manikaran

somehow, here i am in a tiny mountain village that i have not seen in over four years. i'm actually relieved to find that little has changed. it remains a small pilgrimage town, mostly untouched by the nearby israeli/charas smoking invasion that is sweeping the parvati valley. the last time that i came here was quite a profound experience for me, maybe not just because of the place but the place where i was inside as well. it was here that i first shaved my head. i used a gillette sensor ladies razor which meant that it took about 2 hours. i didn't have a specific reason for it, just a feeling of independence, of freedom and of searching.

returning now, amidst much emotion and confusion, i again take refuge in this place. hot springs pour out of the ground on all sides, obscuring the narrow lanes with sulfurous clouds. i eat every meal at the sikh gurudwara, with rice and chana that are cooked in the springs themselves. sitting on the platform of the shiva temple, feeling the heat of the earth below and the cool crashing spray of the parvati river just beneath. and it's here that i really start to feel india again- that part of her that brings me back. the strange feeling that can best be compared to sadness but in a good way. that exquisite ripping feeling of my heart being torn open once again. opened to experience, open to my karma and to whatever it is that is here. and the feeling that no matter what happens, it will be alright.

aum sweet aum

delhi

as always, india manages to surprise me. this time it was the airport. somehow it has magically transformed from a rather intimidating dark, dirty hole filled with screaming cabbies into, well, a normal airport. disconcerting. seems to be part of a large "make delhi less shitty" campaign. pre-commonwealth games perhaps? anyway, pahar ganj is literally a construction zone with a giant caterpillar digger destroying a large section of pavement and blocking all traffic as we speak. as if pahar ganj was not hard enough to navigate already, without the new addition of piles of wet dirt that are strewn with broken glass, bricks, jagged boards and the usual smearing of excrement. sigh. "aum sweet aum"- haha.

and of course i feel incredibly peaceful. i don't know how this mid-apocalyptic mega city can feel so comforting, so simple, so... so homey. i walked through a huge crowd today, against the grain, and was amazed as we all managed to glide past each other, effortlessly and smoothly. once again i'm caught up in the giant flow of this place. as i sit here and type i still don't know my next destination, but i remember now that i'm here that it doesn't matter. come what may.