this town has gone to the dogs

i'm in petchaburi now. the human to canine ratio is about 1:1. at night that ratio changes to 1:6. packs of angry dogs spontaneously form and follow you through the streets barking and growling.

i can't help but say that i'm confused right now. part of the reason we came to thailand was because eben wanted to experience a buddhist country. well now eben's off with the monks and i've got the rest of the country to deal with.

i have to admit that i didn't think a lot about religion before i came travelling. all i had were vague preconceptions based on nothing but our general cultural notions. malaysia- i worried because of the islamic influence and yet i found it amazingly calm, tolerant and friendly. now i'm in a country that is 95% buddhist and the place is as far from calm as one can imagine. pig's heads in the market place, bags of live toads, meat meat meat, fish scales flying through the air like flecks of gold, all the dogs have mange- puppies with no fur and distended bellies, i accidentally squished a tiny lizard under my boot, motorcycles race past, people yell FARANG at me wherever i go, old women yell at me "Beeeautiful! you are beautiful!" and grab my hands and touch my face. Everyone tells me that i shouldn't be here alone, that a pretty girl shouldn't go down that street, shouldn't go out at night. one old lady makes the comment: "you are beautiful girl- why don't you have any friend?" i guess that that was sort of funny... but- in case you hadn't heard, an english woman was gang raped and killed by four thai men just a week or so ago on ko samui. at the time i was one island over, playing jenga and drinking on the beach with a bunch of thai people i had met that day. the young woman had come to the islands for the same new years party i went to. i like travelling on my own but all the thais i meet seem to think that it is a bad idea.

what does any of that have to do with buddhism? i'm not sure, but maybe that's the problem. other than in the wats i don't really see how it reflects on the culture. why are all the animals sick or dead? why are the people so afraid for my safety? i know that rape happens everywhere. it's not a new fear. and yet...

i guess that i am just having trouble putting the religion and the culture together. i have met so many incredibly kind people here. no one seems to mind going completely out of their way to show me where the hotel i'm looking for is. old women give me candies. when i buy things and then say thank you to people in thai they often slip a few baht back into my hand with a shy smile. and yet and yet... i don't like being out at night and it's not just because of the dogs. while thailand is very tourist oriented i can also feel tension in this relationship. you could tell that the staff at the sanctuary, primarily young thai men, really hated all of the people there. everyone seemed oblivious to this as they sat around being in touch with the earth's energy and their chakras.

today i went to a wat just as the sun was going down- most of it was closed off. two monks waved me in. i looked around and they tried to talk to me but didn't know much english. they gave me a visitor book written in english and took me around to all of the things in it so i could read about them and understand what they were showing me. they opened up the galleries and showed me some areas that were locked off. they got very excited, waving me back and forth between various things. one of them told me that he liked my lip ring. they made me promise to come back tomorrow when an english speaking monk will be there who can answer my questions. it was...wonderful.

so we will conclude with- i don't know... i want to go north to see the cherry blossoms. and i shall.

happy birthday miss kerria. prepare your wings to fly away like a free bird. love you. (that last part goes out to all the rest of you as well).