improved blessings

nasik

"please do not put milk, sugar, flowers, coins upon the lord. please place milk, sugar, flowers, coins in the baskets. kindly cooperate with the temple trust for improved blessings."

on the road again.

yesterday saw the culmination of my pilgrimage to tryambakeshwar, home to one of the 12 jyotirlingams, this being siva in his death conquering form, mrityunjaya. despite the above HILARIOUS recording being played in the line-up area, this temple visit was nothing short of astounding. this is my 7th jyotirlingam,and i would rank it it in the top three. so peaceful and so powerful. i did enjoy the improved blessings by placing my coins in the basket.

then i discovered that one could also hike from the temple to brahmagiri, the supposed origin point of the sacred godavari river (somehow it is also the ganga... not quite sure what the story is). there i go, alone in the blazing heat up into the hills with nothing but a bamboo stick.

intrepid pilgrim! brave and adventurous soul! why are those people all yelling and laughing at me? o well, ignore them... o i see, it is because i am about to be attacked by a horde of greedy monkeys who patrol the cliff face. right. so in fact i am neither brave or intrepid, but actually arrogant and stupid.

luckily, the overwhelming good nature of indian people conquers the day. i was adopted by two middle aged marathi men who spoke very little english ("monkeys- crazy!" being the main topic of discussion), but who kindly escorted me for the next two and a half hours. it seems that if you equip yourself with bags of channa, half-full water bottles and biscuits that the monkeys are largely appeased. as the man who rented me my beating stick told me afterwards, they only bite people SOMETIMES. not all the time.

good, i guess?

big book of british smiles

munger

well, thanks to the ashram tea, i was accumulating enough stains on my teeth to apply for a centrefold in the big book of british smiles.  this realisation prompted me to see the dentist, marking my first excursion from the ashram in 6 months.  discovery of a not-too-shocking cavity (have i mentioned the tea?) has now prompted my second visit.  it's odd to go to a dentist where you sit on lawn furniture in the waiting area... then he comes out, barefoot, puts on the gloves over top of a whole row of gaudy gold rings and off you go.  he was thankfully assisted by 3 helpers.  2 with duties, one who appeared to be there for moral support.  i also was quite impressed by his "mouth opener" which resembled a medieval torture device in miniature.  nonetheless, the cavity was repaired painlessly and i was quite satisfied.

so what to report?  i fogot how to use an atm and most of my computer passwords.

it's basically impossible for me to write about anything else that's going on, there's just no words really.  it's like trying to describe your situation while in the middle of a tornado, but in this case the tornado is inside of myself.  i suppose i will just say that i know i am doing the right thing, that i am in the right place and i am trying to do the best i can with what i have.  

so much love to you all.  please write to me- you have no idea how amazing it is to get letters!

natalie rogers
c/o ganga darshan
fort
munger, bihar
811201
india

looking out from the shore

vancouver

i am just about to leave canada for an intended 2 years.  after all the hustle and bustle of planning, organizing, worrying, visiting, it has finally come to this moment.  a few hours before my multi-leg journey back to the subcontinent.  i will be honest and say that i'm incredibly nervous.

i am going to be joining the sannyas training currently being conducted at bihar school of yoga.  i can't really write about what that is going to be, because i'm not really sure yet.  i don't know what sannyas means, nor do i know what it will be like to dedicate 2 years to such an intense process.  of course it is not such an abrupt thing, as this seems to be a natural progression of what i have been working on for the last 5 years or so.  although i have no great expectations for myself and what i may achieve i know that i must continue my attempts to do the best with what i've been given.  i suppose it is my hope to find something else, something beyond the limitations i am currently trapped within.

i have a truly blessed life and more should flower from that than mere selfish enjoyment and transitory pleasures.  being in canada for the past month has reassured me, because i know that i am not running away from anything here.  a huge thanks to all friends and family for their support, and reminding me that i come from a very loving place. it is my hope to come back to you all in a better way, less selfishly and with more compassion and understanding.

until then, i will mostly be out of computer contact, so if you want to reach me it will have to be through the mail:

Natalie Rogers
Bihar School of Yoga
Fort
Munger, Bihar
811201
India

 

  

killing time before my train leaves

varanasi

let me begin with my salutations to the cycle-rickshaw wallahs of varanasi.  in the last 4 days they have safely (mostly) escorted me through the busiest streets of this crazy city.  through mountains of sand, on the edge of precipices over open sewers, up mammoth hills (or in extremely circuitous routes around the mammoth hill by one very old man), along narrow lanes composed of moon-like craters and 15km on the highway from sarnath!  what determination, endurance and strength they have exhibited.  i think my favourite was the old fellow who made a constant series of esoteric hand gestures which seemed some sort of tantric invocation for our safe passage, but perhaps were intended as signals to other drivers?  it was uncertain.  anyway, it has been so helpful and appreciated.

yesterday i went for darshan of kal bhairao.  in short: brahma and vishnu were in dispute over who was greater.  then shiva appeared as a giant shaft of light and challenged them to find its end.  vishnu became a boar and dug into the earth, but could not find the bottom.  brahma mounted his swan and flew up to find the top, but could not.  however, he lied and said he did see it.  this enraged shiva and out of his anger bhairava was formed and lopped off one of brahma's 5 heads.  however, this counted as brahmanicide and as penance bhairava was forced to wander the earth with brahma's skull stuck to his hand, using it as a begging bowl.  when he finally reached varanasi the skull fell from his hand and his sin was erased.  now in varanasi, if one dies here they receive moksha (liberation from the cycle of birth and death).  however, the law of karma cannot be cheated.  therefor, shiva established kal bhairao (one aspect of bhairava) as the governor of varanasi, who dishes out all of the karma one has to experience before moksha in a spilt second, rather than in countless lifetimes.  thus, it is good to visit him when in varanasi.

today i went to lolarka kund, which is a very ancient step-well located a few hundred meters from my guest house, but hidden in the tiny lanes.  this site is sacred for the sun, making it a most suitable outing on a sunday.  the name lolarka is a name for the sun, which means 'trembling' because the sun was said to have trembled the first time he saw the beauty of varanasi.   nowadays people come here to pray for progeny.  today i saw two couples take ritual baths here, hand in hand descending into the ice-cold waters.  apparently there is a huge festival here during monsoon where thousands of people from all over india come here for this purpose, often releasing pumpkins into the water while they bathe.  today it was very quiet  and almost deserted.

varanasi is so neat...

     

flow

kolkata--> munger--> rikhiapeeth--> munger--> kashi

and somehow i'm spit out in varanasi once again, remembering that it's never to late in the day to wish someone a good morning.  finding myself in a place where one can decide to go see the dalai llama on a whim.  living next to ganga, walking these ancient steps, and hurting somewhere in the lower abdomen.

i was in munger/ rikhia for 4 months prior to this.  it was my longest ashram stay since i did the 4 month course in 2009.  every time that i return my connection to these places gets stronger and stronger.  feeling steadier, braver and incredibly grateful.  don't laugh: i had my seva in the computer office.  amazing training, to spend most of my days feeling utterly incompetent. and now i somewhat know how to use excel.  not what one might think i would pick up staying in an ashram in rural india.  that, and scrubbing cold marble on my hands and knees before sunrise... the simple and the complex, and trying to learn how to flow with life, flow with other people, flow within my messy self.

now here i am, o too briefly in kashi!  temples and pizza and HOT WATER!!! beautiful city of shiva, great cremation ground, forest of bliss and a thousand more names.

o to flow like ganga flows...           

good things come to those who wait

vancouver--> kolkata (via shanghai and bangkok)

i possibly need to stop buying the cheapest air tickets possible.  for some reason, they wouldn't check my baggage through all my flights and i had to go through customs in china and thailand.  this was quite sketchy in china as i clearly did not have a chinese visa and they were just a tad hesitant to let me into the country without one.  quite a delay, which made me somewhat nervous about making my connection especially because i got lost in the airport about 3 times as well and had to take a bus to another terminal.  oy.  then i had a 15 hour stopover in bangkok, which was less stressful but well, just LONG because i wasn't allowed to check in for my flight until 3 hours prior and had to cart all my earthly possessions around with me.  although i did experience a special joy when using the travelators (moving walkway ramps) countless times.  some things just don't get old.

calcutta.  joy.  monsoon is NOT over.  i seem to remember some vague thoughts about buying a poncho before i left... whatever happened to those thoughts?  hmmm....  but i've managed to get everything set for onward travel, despite getting soaked and stuck under tarps and awnings quite a few times.  very nice experience waiting under some tarps when a dood wallah (milk seller) noticed me and found me a seat on some crates.  while sitting there, a volunteer police man (?) decided to bring me some chai in a little tiny clay cup.  i suppose i looked a bit bedraggled.  i also discovered that you can take the TROLLY CAR to near where the railway ticketing place is.  so slow and rusty and clanky but exciting nonetheless.

i realised on my way over here that this is my 6th trip to india.  i almost can't believe it.  i calculated that in total i have spent about 27 months here.  that's more than 2 years! makes me embarrassed for how poor my hindi is.  really, ACTUALLY need to work on that (how many times have i said that?).  of course whenever i learn something new here it also reveals so many more layers beyond where i am.  sort of works in an exponential way- with every bit of knowledge exposing that much more ignorance.  luckily, for the most part, the lessons i've been given are kind ones. 

yearning for mangrove mountain

kolkata--> mangrove mountain (australia)--> beijing--> vancouver--> pemby--> castlegar--> calgary

i had intended to write this entry about a month ago, so hopefully the immediacy is not lost. i just wanted to speak briefly about my time at the mangrove mountain ashram in australia. it is mostly a welling up of gratitude and appreciation that made me want to write, and what has finally made me do it so long after the fact.

mangrove mountain is unspeakably beautiful. i had no idea what to expect, really, on my way to australia, other than some reservations about poisonous things... i was hopeful, as i had heard so much of the place and knew that it had been very precious to paramahamsa satyanandaji, but i tried not to have too many expectations. i still remember when i landed in munger for the first time and it might as well have been the moon! let's understate things and say that i was pleasantly surprised.

the natural beauty of the area shocked me when i arrived and still shocks me in my memory. it was incredibly lush, unseasonably so as it was the wettest summer they had had in ten years. the ashram is set in a tight green valley bordered by red stone cliff faces way up above. i am still so happy that i got to do my karma yoga project on the bush regeneration team, as it meant i got to spend hours outside hiking up and down the steep valley walls. and no leeches- for me at least! my fellow karma yogis heroically managed to lure them to themselves (ha). i cannot express my joy at all of the wildlife: giant pythons, monitor lizards, possums, wallabies, flocks of cockatoos, parrots, kookaburras... i only saw one poisonous spider the whole time, and luckily it had been trapped in a jar already- phew! it is no exaggeration to say that swimming in the muddy tidal creek on hot, muggy afternoons was an exquisite pleasure.

the residential period of my yogic studies 3 course (my reason for going to australia), was likewise incredibly inspiring. it was so nice to spend time with people who have similar interests as me. also, as i have come to expect in the satyananda tradition, all of my teachers were remarkable. a few people i knew from india, which was a nice way to connect this with my 4 month course in bihar. it was incredibly supportive and inspiring, and worth every ridiculously long flight!

now i'm in calgary, working away at the home learning aspect of my course (it is 6 months long in total). i'm enjoying settling in with my parents for a long visit before heading out to the coast for a very special wedding- yay! after that, i'll likely be back in rusty trusty pemberton, at least for a little while!

om