killing time before my train leaves

varanasi

let me begin with my salutations to the cycle-rickshaw wallahs of varanasi.  in the last 4 days they have safely (mostly) escorted me through the busiest streets of this crazy city.  through mountains of sand, on the edge of precipices over open sewers, up mammoth hills (or in extremely circuitous routes around the mammoth hill by one very old man), along narrow lanes composed of moon-like craters and 15km on the highway from sarnath!  what determination, endurance and strength they have exhibited.  i think my favourite was the old fellow who made a constant series of esoteric hand gestures which seemed some sort of tantric invocation for our safe passage, but perhaps were intended as signals to other drivers?  it was uncertain.  anyway, it has been so helpful and appreciated.

yesterday i went for darshan of kal bhairao.  in short: brahma and vishnu were in dispute over who was greater.  then shiva appeared as a giant shaft of light and challenged them to find its end.  vishnu became a boar and dug into the earth, but could not find the bottom.  brahma mounted his swan and flew up to find the top, but could not.  however, he lied and said he did see it.  this enraged shiva and out of his anger bhairava was formed and lopped off one of brahma's 5 heads.  however, this counted as brahmanicide and as penance bhairava was forced to wander the earth with brahma's skull stuck to his hand, using it as a begging bowl.  when he finally reached varanasi the skull fell from his hand and his sin was erased.  now in varanasi, if one dies here they receive moksha (liberation from the cycle of birth and death).  however, the law of karma cannot be cheated.  therefor, shiva established kal bhairao (one aspect of bhairava) as the governor of varanasi, who dishes out all of the karma one has to experience before moksha in a spilt second, rather than in countless lifetimes.  thus, it is good to visit him when in varanasi.

today i went to lolarka kund, which is a very ancient step-well located a few hundred meters from my guest house, but hidden in the tiny lanes.  this site is sacred for the sun, making it a most suitable outing on a sunday.  the name lolarka is a name for the sun, which means 'trembling' because the sun was said to have trembled the first time he saw the beauty of varanasi.   nowadays people come here to pray for progeny.  today i saw two couples take ritual baths here, hand in hand descending into the ice-cold waters.  apparently there is a huge festival here during monsoon where thousands of people from all over india come here for this purpose, often releasing pumpkins into the water while they bathe.  today it was very quiet  and almost deserted.

varanasi is so neat...

     

flow

kolkata--> munger--> rikhiapeeth--> munger--> kashi

and somehow i'm spit out in varanasi once again, remembering that it's never to late in the day to wish someone a good morning.  finding myself in a place where one can decide to go see the dalai llama on a whim.  living next to ganga, walking these ancient steps, and hurting somewhere in the lower abdomen.

i was in munger/ rikhia for 4 months prior to this.  it was my longest ashram stay since i did the 4 month course in 2009.  every time that i return my connection to these places gets stronger and stronger.  feeling steadier, braver and incredibly grateful.  don't laugh: i had my seva in the computer office.  amazing training, to spend most of my days feeling utterly incompetent. and now i somewhat know how to use excel.  not what one might think i would pick up staying in an ashram in rural india.  that, and scrubbing cold marble on my hands and knees before sunrise... the simple and the complex, and trying to learn how to flow with life, flow with other people, flow within my messy self.

now here i am, o too briefly in kashi!  temples and pizza and HOT WATER!!! beautiful city of shiva, great cremation ground, forest of bliss and a thousand more names.

o to flow like ganga flows...