ring the bells that still can ring, forget your perfect offering, there is a crack, a crack, in everything, that's how the light gets in

the past few days have been quite tumultuous. first there was the journey to the coast to see leonard cohen. it was a bit jarring to leave this quiet mountain village and be spit out on the crowded pavement of vancouver. the noise, the pollution... it's amazing how you can get used to those things. and then of course, thousands of people packed into gm place, watching a very exceptional man... surreal.

then on to victoria, which i always have mixed feelings about. i loved victoria so much and for a long time. it was the backdrop for some very significant years for me. since then i have been frustrated with it, perhaps angry because it couldn't live up to my expectations. it no longer held the magic that it once seemed to. but now, after having a few years distance, it really felt like home again. even if i never live there again, i think it will always be a home to me. of course it was at its finest, dressed in spring blossoms and smelling fresh and full of potential. it's really wonderful to be able to enjoy that place again, without wanting things to be a certain way. without being nostalgic for things past.

i returned to pemberton yesterday a bit sad, a bit lonely. it always happens when leaving those places and people that i love so dearly once again... but i walked outside in the post-rain mist and there was no sound but birds, hummingbirds, and i felt at peace. it may not be home in the way victoria is, but it is a place that has allowed me peace and the time to focus on what i want to be doing. for that i will be forever grateful to this valley that has sheltered me for these months when everything has seemed so uncertain.

so i bought a ticket to india today. i was so nervous that i wanted to vomit but not because i was unsure. i have finally said yes to what i have needed to say yes to. i have done what i needed to do. life feels so different when possibilities become realities. so here we go again.